My Songs Playlist Will Give Me A Bipolar Disorder

I recently read @traciyork's post 9 Songs That Tell My Story So Far and ever since I have been trying to make a similar. The problem that prevented me from doing that is; that my music is too fucking random.

Like, here's a thought I had today: I was listening to Metalica's Nothing Else Matters and actually uttered "I should play Toxic by Britney Spears next". I don't know why I said that. I could not even explain it. I don't know how that conclusion was made and it was ME who made it.

Music is weird that way, one minute I am listening to Tool's Ænima and hating L. Ron Hubbard and all his clones then cursing LA Even though I have never been there. The other minute I am experiencing my inner bi-curious girl listening to Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl".

The funny part about that last is that I actually sat wondering how it would be like kissing a girl, something I had done hundreds of times before.

That's probably the reason I could never post like that even with 20 songs. I lived my childhood/teenage days in a war-torn country, moving from city to city. There aren't many songs that go with that theme unless Ariana's last name is actually grenade.

I also have a very active brain, so songs were more about me reliving other people's experiences. That's why I was, as a man, I could tell what it's like to be a woman cheating and feels torn about it all thanks to Rihanna's Unfaithful during a time when I wasn't even able to have one girlfriend, let alone two.

I guess the perfect way to sum this up would be this

I also get really disappointed when I go back and listen to songs I listened to as a teenager. See, at the time my English was absolutely horrible, so I would catch a word or two and makeup based on the tone. I can't tell you how disappointed I was listening to those songs again because the lyrics didn't match the epic I made up.

Like, how dare those singers not match the vision of their songs as per an Iraqi teenager who had no friends? RUDE!

It's why I love listening to songs in languages I don't speak. I can't tell you how dehumanizing it is learning that the sad you thought you were relating to, weaving a masterpiece story in your head for it, turns out to be actually a happy song celebrating a newborn, like what?

And on the other hand, is songs that you think were happy and turn out to be about the massacre of a village. You feel like an asshole dancing to those before. Like, dude, I am pretty sure I played this song, danced to it with a girl, and had sex to it, and later turned out to be about some genocide.

Anyway, throughout the years, I put all the things I remember into a Youtube playlist without separating them into categories. Now, I can't get into a song or two without a severe change in tone that ruins it.

The opposite as well, I could be in a good mood before depressing songs start to infect the playlist as I try to escape them.

And as different versions and covers come out, I kept adding different types of the same thing. A decision that I learned to regret.

And that's my story with music. I enjoy songs of all kinds but going from one song to another is causing such a mood swing that I honestly believe will end up with me having a bipolar disorder. You can't go through so many moods so quickly without having a mental issue of the sort. Unless I am pregnant.