It’s okay to ask for help.

Indeed I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had always talked about how I don’t like to be a burden to anyone and how I always prefer to be the one who reaches out to others. Be the one who has the shoulders that people can cry on. I have always prided in being the sacrificial one whom can go out of her way to reach out to the people I love and those around me.

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What if there was more to this attitude of mine and I just wanted to brag about that part of me and sing my praise on how I have been an independent woman and haven’t been a bother to anyone? What if I was masked with a cloak of pride all in the name of not wanting to ask for help? I had never like asking people for help.

I have come to situations where I need help but to bring myself to ask for it was an issue. Sometimes people want to go out of their way to get me things, maybe gifts or drinks as a type of refreshment when I am famished and I turn them down, telling them not to worry even when I needed it most. I would tell them that I am ok and don’t want to be a bother but deep down in my heart, I am dying.

At most when I finally agree to be helped by force, I want to go for the lowest of the gifts because I don’t want them to spend their money. I was always being considerate but when it comes to me, I give my all but not open to accept help. Like I said, it could be pride or not or something about self esteem or complex because I don’t know why it difficult to accept help but I knew mine was on the extreme. The so called good woman was getting out of hand.

My turning point came 3 years ago in 2021 when I lost a vey close friend of mine whom I had known for 14 years. It was a very devastating point and I was shattered. The shattering was shattering indeed and I saw myself in a position where I couldn’t but ask for help. Where I had to literally depend on people to be strong, to comfort me, to feed me and to help me financially cos I was even down financially.

That experience was so humbling as I would cry and cry. Sometimes I literally had nothing to feed with and I could remember, my girlfriend would come to me and ask me what do I want to eat and I would tell her without any objections unlike me before that would drag and drag and ask her not to worry and all the drama on top. She would get for me what I wanted and even more and I was so appreciative of those gestures.

I learnt to be vulnerable. I learnt to receive help. I learnt to be dependent. I learnt that I can also cry on someone’s else’s shoulder. I learnt that the world does not revolve around the self acclaimed super woman that I have been. I learnt that it’s ok to want to be helped and it’s ok to accept the help people give. And I am glad that part of me is open to help and be helped when necessary. Today, if A
I need help, I don’t hesitate to reach out to those around me and get the help I need and I am loving the experience.

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