RE: Closing In (Short Story)

My man @killerwot, you agreed and you received - in-depth review:

While you have gotten a lot better with your word choices, I still find you overwrite. As authors we are afraid that if we do not give all the necessary information that readers will be lost. But readers are smart. The brain is great at connecting lines. So when we elaborate, it's usually to the detrament of the pacing. Quick examples of this early on:

Wandering from room to room, in his large empty home, would be his only regular exercise.

Did we really need to know that Carlin's house was large? What does that visualization do for us? Remove that bit and see how much better the entire section flows.

Small inaudible noises at first were the only replies. Sleep deprivation was the only excuse he could find. That was the only reasonable explanation.

The last sentence is basically repeating the previous sentence. Adds nothing to the character, plot, setting, theme. It's just there. Removing it leaves us with the same exact story. So why have it? There are examples of this throughout the piece, so I won't harp on it. I just felt like I had to point it out.

Other than that you're nailing everything else. The pacing is great, the plotting and characterization. All top-notch. Your vocabulary is also inspiring. I love the words you use. Your last paragraph is especially well written.

Thank you for submitting to the S&S Invitational! I hope this review proved useful.