RE: The Person-Oriented Paradigm: Developing a Helping Relationship
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The lesson goes beyond counseling in a formal sense; it also applies to our everyday friendships. Personally, I find it particularly difficult to act compassionate when my heart would otherwise feel heavy. This is especially true when I am dealing with friends who have transgressed against me multiple times.
It is true that, as Christians, forgiveness is meant to be as natural as breathing. Yet, in the same way, it is undeniably difficult to confront and address such pain, especially when it comes from people who are close to us, people from whom we expect better.
Perhaps, then, they may need to find another “counselor.” It is hard to act as a friend-counselor when you yourself are the one who was wounded. As you have said earlier sir, I might just become more subjective and possibly hurt them. Perhaps to be silent is better and wait until emotions subside.
You're right. I am reminded of Henry Nouwen's "Wounded Healer," but that applies only to those people who don't hurt us directly. The idea is that our wounds can be a resource for someone's healing. However, when the person you are counseling is the one that hurt you, it is difficult to be both wounded and maintain objectivity. If the wound is still fresh and you are still processing anger and grief, your tendency is either to be harsh or over-soft. In a case like this, the counselor lacks clarity, trying to counsel while bleeding. Resentment is difficult to hide. The other tendency is to avoid hard truths just to maintain peace. If the counseling continues, you might find yourself as a counselor, emotionally exhausted, and that will not be good for both of you.