Confidence

Confidence is often misunderstood by many.

When you have to do something that would require confidence, like perhaps standing in front of a large audience and you're too shy to do so, or maybe going to talk to that girl or boy you find attractive, you try to get your confidence from optimism. From hopes that you'll do well.

For example, you say to yourself, I can do it, then you walk to the stage and well it works a lot but there's an even more effective way to gain confidence and it's in the art of not caring how it turns out, you'll just give your all whether it craps out or not.

Your true confidence will come from your knowledge of the fact that you can handle situations, even if people don’t like you or you get no applause.

The thing is when you mostly rely on others’ approval, your mood tends to depend on them and that's usually the real source of anxiety and fear. If you didn't care what they thought, then there's no real basis to be scared and that's where confidence can do it's work.

The fear of rejection is what keeps confidence away from you. By trusting yourself, your real confidence will come. By trusting yourself, I mean the inner belief that you are enough. You are ready to face people who disagree with you or judge you.

People's judgement is normal and cannot be avoided so stressing on it is not a good idea because then you'll stress forever since the judgmental nature of humanity has no end.

The most confident of people accept that not everyone will like them and that's totally fine. Seeking validation and approval makes you entirely dependent on others and they control what you think about your own performance.

Remember this, everyone has their opinion or standards. You could perform so well but asking one person with too high a standard how you did, the person is going to give you a response that'll belittle your outstanding performance.

You can take corrections and do better but don't always be reliant on people's ratings. It's good to get feedback on what you do, positive or negative, it's always helpful but being too reliant on that feedback will kill your confidence.

Confident people mostly focus on what they can control and not others’ opinions. It's after they do what they have to do, that's when they take into consideration what you thought about what they did. And if there are things to make better, they make the changes.

Speaking up in a meeting is brave, even if someone criticizes you. You can bring out your ideas without fear of judgment. Infact, embrace the judgement, expect it and see the bigger picture, you have come out of your comfort zone and you're doing something great.

Your confidence grows when you survive rejection or criticisms. Each time you are able to face disapproval from people, you learn you can handle it and eventually you get used to it. Don't try to stop it, be ok with it. By doing this for a long time, you eventually build resilience, the ability to bounce back.

As you grow confidence, it also allows you to set boundaries without guilt. Since you don't depend on approval, you don't need approval to say no or to walk away from something you know, goes against your values.

That's going to help you to focus on relationships that respect and support you. If you notice some friends or company are not good for you, confidence will let you step on the breaks and hop out of that bad relationship vehicle.

True Confidence will make you calm and not arrogant. There's a difference because some people tend to confuse their arrogance with confidence. Infact they use confidence as excuse to keep being arrogant and excuse my language but, a jerk.

Really confident people have no need of boasting, they believe themselves. People that boast a lot are usually people that still have self doubt and want to see if people actually see what they have done or become as valuable, so they talk about it.

True confidence will create freedom to be yourself, without pretending to please others.

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