It’s Not What Happens, But How We See It

There’s a really powerful quote from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus that says

“What upsets people is not things themselves, but their judgments about things.”

When I read it at first I almost dismissed and thought to myself that things can upset me. After all, bad things do happen. People lose jobs, relationships end, plans fall apart, loved ones die, the worst happens, the thing you feared the most can befall you.

So I had to think really deep and infact fid a little mediation with just that quote to try to understand exactly what the quote meant. I realized that the emotional weight we feel often comes more from how we interpret an event than the event itself.

I'll give you an example of this. Imagine two people stuck in traffic. One person is fuming, honking, ranting about being late for an appointment. And meanwhile the other person takes a breath, turns on a podcast, and accepts the delay and infact tries to do something productive with that. It's the same situation but it's two totally different internal experiences and ask yourself, why is this the case? It's simply because of how they judged the moment.

One sees a waste of time and the other sees time for the next priority.

Now this doesn’t mean we ignore pain or pretend everything is fine when it's clearly not. The point is to examine how much of our suffering is optional, how much comes from the story we tell ourselves about what’s happening. If only we learn to change that story or even just become aware of it, we might find a little more freedom and peace. How you think about anything is so necessary and determines everything about its impact.

Another good example is a painful breakup. Perhaps you dated a toxic man or woman and it's ending. Yes you genuinely loved them, does it hurt? It sure will if you really loved them. But you can see that break up salvation and not you going down in life. You didn't lose, you learned an evolved and it could make you a better person in your next relationship if you learned the right lesson.

We should always be mindful of our reaction and question whether our way of thinking is the main reason we're disturbed.

A good question to yourself is sometimes what you need to change the whole situation.