Hive-Naija Weekend Engagement #21 - "Parenting In Nigeria"

Lol...we were actually considering this topic for hivenaija. Nice one. I go come back come answer.

What do you think is the right approach?

Kids are unpredictable while growing up,parents play a role while nature ie: where the child grows determines. The right approach is To sensitive the kids

I knew this would be the topic for today. 😅

Here's my own opinion about the matter.
First of, parenting, like every other thing in this life, is complicated. There's no one that can come out to say this is the right way or this a wrong way of parenting. But that is not to say there are no good or bad forms of parenting - some parents are horrible at their job while some aren't.

Since we're all different people with different personalities, we also need to be subjected under different styles of parenting. What I feel is that, parents should be observant enough to know what type of style they should employ when dealing with each child.

And about social media... With the way the world is moving, it's very hard to protect children from the ills of social media because some of those things are slowly finding their ways into mainstream media. I think the best way to tackle this is just establish a solid communication ground with your child and help them filter out the good from the daily information they're constantly being bombarded with.

How do you instill manners to kids?
Manners are basics a child should grow with or thought by example.

They say leadership by example

Do you stop your children from having early access to social media?

Well, I don't have kids yet but my perspective on this will be that, kids should not have early access to social media. Although the world has changed and we are really moving forward fast with technology. But back when I was young I had no access to social media at early stage, all on my head then was my books and childs game like, suwe, ten ten, I call on .. etc all these are part of what sensitive us then and our mind set didn't go rogue.. But exposing kids to social media at early stage is absurd because social media those not know the young from the grown ups

Mehn!! Training a child is hard, kids scare me. You can do your best as a parent, and they will still do what they like. In this case my solution is do your best and leave the rest for God

Using yourself as a case study, what lessons did you learn from how your parents raised you?

I learnt a lot from my parents because I was not exposed to social media at early stage but was exposed to God's word. And that made me grew love for music.
And that music shut me off anything social media then. All we do after school activity then is church programs.
I wish parents can follow through how my parent raised me

Training a child is difficult.

Honestly, early access to gadgets and all is not advisable

Happy new week and i appreciate you for mentioning my name
Parenting is what every will eventually do later in life, we will marry and give birth to children.

What do you think is the right approach?

Training them in the way of God,we shouldn't spoil our child/children just because maybe we have one child or one gender i.e one boy out of many girls.
Always pray for your children. True, my parents prayers keeps me going.

How do you instill manners to kids?

Correct them if they are wrong, allow others to correct them to.
I have seen parents who doesn't allow another person touch or correct their children they come back quarreling the person in the front of the child.

Do you stop your children from having early access to social media?

I don't have a child yet, but when i do my child will start using phone at the age of 18.
Technology has made it easy to block websites, because it is not only social media there are websites that a child shouldn't access at an early age.

Using yourself as a case study, what lessons did you learn from how your parents raised you?

I was raised by a no nonsense parents, my parents will correct me till now because am still living under them although now they accord some respect because am grown but my mum will always say "you re still under my roof"
They raised me to be honest no matter the situation and be prayerful too, I can't even try to miss church if am at home.

I took my time to read the comment so far because this topic eh hits right home.now I understand when they say there are things you would feel and understand better when you have your own child.

My mum always says it too especially when I give her small trouble 😏.ps was a good girl sha.

Anyways back to the matter, I see a lot of people’s comment about early gadget access is not good, but do you think late gadget access is best either?

One thing we should understand that your child is a child whether a toddler, baby or teenager even adults self we are all someones child.

So trying to restrict them from somethings as a child doesnt mean they will not abuse that thing when they become adults...

Most of that restriction is the major cause of all the scandal las las.

It's just sad that in this generation we have too many irresponsible adult raising kids and that the major issue...

And what I think can curb all these between parent and children is proper communication

Using yourself as a case study, what lessons did you learn from how your parents raised you?

During my time as teenager, the duty of raising a child is not for the parents alone. In those days, if I misbehave away from home, an elder in the vicinity can just discipline me. If I ran home to report, my mum would interrogate me to know the truth. She may end up adding to my punishment if she found me wanting.
However, in this generation of raising children, parents are too protective of their wards and it's having a negative impact.
As a parent, find a way to strike a balance between defending your child and disciplining the child when he/she misbehaves.
Secondly, if at all your children would use phones and other gadgets for learning before University, ensure that you monitor their activities. You can always check to find out the kind of site they visit on the computer. Give them early sex education to avoid learning it from outside in an awkward manner.
They deserve close monitoring and every parent should be intentional about that.
The school also need to do better. On the part of Chrisland, they failed in proper monitoring of pupils under their custody. Schools should device mechanisms to keep their pupils in continuous check and nip any ugly situation on the board.

I am a newbie and I'll love to be mentioned in subsequent engagements.

There is no handbook or manual for raising a child. my parents were always in my business, asking questions, questioning my Friend, inviting them over, and becoming friends with their parents. One thing that kept me in check was the communication and their presence. Seems like parents now are all about the money and a soft lifestyle I..no body has time to be present again.

It's just sad we have irresponsible adults raising kids these days.

I wonder if they still tell children to close their eyes if they see a kissing scene 🙄

it's just sad what this world is turning to. Like @readthisplease said we will do our best and leave the rest😒😒

Many thanks for bringing this sensitive issue up here to be discussed.

First, the kind of parenting that exists nowadays could be said to failure incorporated. Parenthood is meant to be a yardstick for producing children who will carry on family or societal norms to the next generation. But wetin we get today?

Parenting for me has a manual. The Holy Books are clear about how to bring up a child.
A Yoruba adage says:

Agbalagba tiki ke oun sóró, à kétan sà'ré.

Meaning that:

An adult who refuses to use his voice to correct a child, will be ready to run when he ought to be resting.
Bringing up a child in this dispensation is more tasking and needed close monitoring and mentoring of the child.
The right approach for nurturing a child is to take control of the thinking of that child by stream lining what he wears, the kind of programme he watches, the kind of friends he keeps, where he goes and whatnot. All these comes together to form whom a child will turn out to become.
Children should be tutored to be godfearing. Parents are in the right position to let their wards know that not everything that they see in their environment are morally right.

In my family, we do not have the right to buy gadgets by ourselves for our personal use. Growing up wasn't a tug of war in our era.
Using mobile phone is not a top priority for any of us (my siblings and I), it was something we started using when we got admission into.the higher institution.
In fact, we had a tv set in our rooms with free channels, after out parents have restricted or programmed it to what we have access to.
Away from the parental responsibility. I'd like to mention that school policy makers are the primary cause of some of the moral decadence we see in our children today.
The application of school laws designed in Europe where the child is an idol that should not be disciplined and bringing that to the African continent, to a people of different history, culture and tradition; that has messed up the whole process.
Now, the ball is in the court of individual parent to prune their wards to taste.
We should not forget that society is the product of the home.

What an interesting topic! I am not a parent though, but I have experienced parenting. As a matter of fact, I was trained by a topical Nigerian mother; my fellow Nigerians will understand better😏 Using myself as a case study, I cannot really say that I will give my children unborn the kind of parental training I got. Flogging for many Nigerian parent is one of the most important thing when it comes to child upbringing; and that's the problem. Many of them end up establishing a poor relationship with their children. A good parental relationship should be friendly, and that's what parents should aim for. A friendly and healthy relationship

Very interesting perspective to the Chrisland crisis; "bad parenting". Let me begin by saying "maybe, bad parenting was responsible". I use the word "maybe" because I can site proofs of orphaned kids who are doing exceptionally well both morally,spiritually and academically. Permit me to use myself as an instance here. I lost my father when I turned 9yrs,left my father's house and started catering for myself when I turned 11yrs. Yet,I look back and I know I'm a fine gentleman today; no adult in my life can claim responsibility for who I am today (maybe my father instilled something in me before his demise; I don't know). However let me point out very quickly that I grew up in a time when there was just Nokia 3310 and the other blue and green light phones. I point this out because I prefer to say that, the media is largely responsible for shaping the ethics of many young Nigerians today; you'd be surprised at what 5yrs olds and 6yrs olds know today.
I prefer to think that the media exposes our children much too early to harmful information and as you may have observed,the natural tendency for kids is to practice what they see. For instance, after watching Jet Li, I just wanted to learn martial arts so that I could "fly" like Jet Li.This was despite the fact that we watched the movie in company of family ooo!! We had elders who foresaw that a scene in a movie would be too sensitive for us and so fast-forward that scene; an adult was always holding the remote control.
Today, I go to homes where 5yrs olds own an iPad!! Habaa!! I'm like, that's about 4 times my life savings in the hands of a kid. Who monitors the information that the kids receive? No one but the media. See? In case you wonder how that 10yrs old turned out to be so "sexually informed" please check all the platforms where she had being trending with almost a thousand followers.
Remember, a parent could be so good and gifted in the art of child up bringing and end up raising a "Judas". If Jesus with all the skills ended up with a "Judas" on his team of most trusted friends, it should tell us something "society influences who we choose to become". She chose her path based on feedback loop from the media over time. Thank you.

We all are different there's no manual to this thing called parenting and the important part is knowing your child or children.
Build a relationship whereby when your child or children makes mistake this first person they want to call or tell is you, that way they get to express everything they are feeling, what they want to know , who is trying to influence them and how to go about things to you.

These days even if you try to stop that social media it will always find a way to find them.

Know you child or children that the important part , get familiar with them and give them a relationship were they are free to talk about anything with you.

No be by being strict at all

Just yesterday I was reading a tweet about a family with two daughters.
Things became a little hard for them when the husband lost his job and because of this the wife relocated to Canada leaving the two daughters with the father.
The father took his time , took care of those kids and when he noticed the children want to start moving with bad company he became very strict with them I mean very strict and prevented all and because of this the two daughters hated their father.

When their mom was home visiting ,they told their mom their dad won't let them leave the house all because he was sleeping with the both of them.
Their mon did not want to believe this she then asked them to say it in front of their dad they did the same thing.

The father denied and said nothing of such was happening but the wife was not ready to believe , and their was nothing to defend him from the accusation.
she took loans left for Canada with her two kids.

After about four years or so the man decided to remarry the wife found out and was telling her daughters only for them to reply that their dad for once never slept with them they only wanted to be free from his strict upbringing and all they did back then was a lie.

Bro I was lost reading that tweet

Now look at that the man tried to be strict just to give the children a better upbringing but instead it cost him his marriage.

See this thing called parenting ehnn
Is wide and sometimes you just need to know what works for you in upbringing
Maybe if the father was closer to those kids and not strict things would have been different ,maybe I don't know.

Know you child or children,know what they are capable build a very close relationship with them that just it.

Truly, charity begins at home. The young dresses provocatively at home as a against the school where they only wear uniforms, definitely the parents are aware of this act. These days one cannot predict these children of the 21st century. They always seem to have a way of doing things, they are tech inclined, social media inclined and are even knowledgeable in things beyond their ages.
But I think these can be curtailed, how can a 10year old be having an iPhone 11,for what exactly. Discipline is instilled in children from their early years by their parents and it goes a long way.
Back then, everybody was your parent, mum, dad, aunties, uncles even neighbors but now everybody dey mind their business. They see you correcting a child, they tag it as something else.

What do you think is the right approach?

Honestly, I do not think there is one exact right approach and even if there is, I do not think I am one to decide cos I am not yet a parent. There are records of different people coming out of different parenting styles and they turned out well or otherwise.

Concerning the access to media. I still do not think its an entirely bad idea. Sooner or later, they'd find out if we (the parents) do not show them. But in this girl's case, I see she had access and obviously there were no one around to caution or regulate how she used them. Even me sef I no get tiktok account, even my twitter is almost not cool. I see some of those videos she posted and I am quite shocked at one. She did Bussit challenge. MAke I stop here, abeg.🤣

I would not deny my children entire access to social media, cos it has its advantage too. But I believe the parents can still make sure they know almost what their children do with not only with social medis but their phones as well.

Using yourself as a case study, what lessons did you learn from how your parents raised you?

Low key, I was a rascal o. From what I have learned from my parents, even though I was a stubborn child I still had morals. And I abhor immorality till now sef. But really if not for Jesus, maybe I'd have been MC Oluomo right hand man.😂
Honestly, I still do thank God for my parents o, they were really almost opposite in action so I was bale to learn from two sides and chose the one I wanted - the better one I presume.
Make I drop pen here..

First of all, a very big round of applause to kids that don't give their parents head or heart ache. May God almighty handsomely reward you.
Una good evening from my side.
Thanks @samostically for making this topic an official banter topic.

Good parenting or bad parenting: what are the rules?
Well, there's no book to guide a father or mother on how to train his or her child but common sense should be enough to tell what's making or marring a child. I mean, a child asks for this thing, you don't question him/her but you just provide even when you should add precautions to the provisions. Who does that?
Allow me tell a story; a man and his kid went to the dentist to get the kid's teeth braced cuz he was promised so when ever he makes his exam papers. Dad and son went to the hospital and the dentist after asking questions if the boy had tooth issues, discovered that he(the boy) only wanted the braces on because his favorite artist had braces too. Wow.
The dentist then went ahead to ask the dad why he was giving his kid teeth braces when he had no teeth issues and shockingly again, the boy's father said and I quote, "he said he wanted one, so he'll get one". Like seriously? Is this how you train a child?
Well long story short, the dentist advised father and son and they didn't get the boy's teeth braced plus, the father learned to train his kid better.
I'm not saying parents shouldn't show unconditional love to their offsprings but it should be as equal as the strictness that is necessary.

You spare the rod and spoil the child y'all, please.

As for the case of social media? The more kids are exposed to, the more they'll absorb into their growing mentality. From the video of the chrisland kids, they have been exposed to adult contents too much and no lies, they must have practiced it some time before this recent outbreak.
My parents didn't promise me internet access (phone or internet connection) till I was in my final year in secondary school. And even when I got a phone, I was very much under supervision 😂.

What we need these days are disciplinarians as parents and open minded kids. Love is always there as long as there are no infringement of the children's Human Rights.

I rest my case.

Hi my Naija peeps, here are my answers to the questions:

What do you think is the right approach?

Well am a Christian woman and in this early stage I have started evangelizing to my kids about Jesus and the way he lived on earth and died and we are expected to live a christ-like life. Making them understand that we would all die one day, though we were promised long life by Christ. However, death can come at any time and if it comes, are you ready as a Christian? Do your friends have the same faith as you do? I have good communication with my kids and I know how they go about their daily activities. We laugh about some and correct them about some too.
The deed has already been done and bringing it to the General public via social media just worsened the situation. The girl is spoiled and it's so obvious she does not have close supervision as a growing teenager ( bad parenting ). All she needs now is counseling and more care, love, and direction, not social media; that was a very wrong approach to it. It gives her a public identity that can create a stigma for life.

How do you instill manners in kids?

Parenting should be intentional. It should be deliberate. God brought these kids to this world and entrusted them into our care as their parents, so we have to thoroughly guide them without leaving any stone unturned in every aspect of their lives as they continue to grow. Even the scripture said it in Proverb 22 vs 6; Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it
Parents should do their part and more importantly continuous prayer for our children.

Do you stop your children from having early access to social media?

Well, I think the Android phone is naturally not for children. To a large extent, I stop my children from having access to social media. The only time I allowed them to use Android phones was during pandemics when almost all the schools did virtual learning and before they started using their smart tablets, I installed the family google link via Gmail and had control over everything they did with the phone. After the virtual learning, the only phone they have access to is an ordinary Nokia touch phone for communication in case I am out from home.

Using yourself as a case study, what lessons did you learn from how your parents raised you?

Having a very strict and loving father and a God-fearing mother who has a raw content of the word of God (Bible), I was raised well. The fear of my father would kill me if I do any bad thing and the love of my mother, I wouldn't want to disappoint her.
I learned to work hard and trust God, read my books and be a good citizen. I was not a Saint though. Let me share a story with you; in my primary 5, I was 9yrs old then. The school has told us to prepare for a cultural dance competition and I was part of it . I told my mum about it and she said I should come back early. She gave me her wrapper for the dance and I went hoping they would finish the competition on time but they finished very late that no one could take me home. I was so happy that I danced but very sad because I don't know how to get home because of my Dad. somehow the coordinator of the competition took me home, my father was very sad that he took me back to the school the next day to speak to the Headmistress and when I was asked why I joined the dance, I told them that I have never represented the school for anything, I did this to represent the school, my father laughed and said "but you would have come back early", that was how I knew my father loves me and wants the best for me.

The lesson I learned was to always instill disciple in children and at the same time show them love, and care, and more importantly, be free with them with proper communication, it will go a long way in knowing your kids better.

Thank you all!