Mirror, Mirror: Can Our Children Reflect Who We Are

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Curiosity almost wounded me back in the days when I used to hear people comment things like, "Oh, you really resemble your parent," "You're calm like your mum," and so on. I would be like, do people inherit calmness as a trait? Or is any stubborn child out there just exhibiting one of their parent's characters, yet they keep beating such a child as a way to correct them? Well, until I started doing Biology, I didn’t really understand.

It is the joy of every parent to see their offspring more successful than them in all aspects. No wonder, when people are looking for a partner, they say things like, "I want a partner who is intelligent, emotionally mature," and so on. And I’ll be like, do you even have all these things you're looking for?

It was in Biology that I got to know about genetic traits, the AA and AS stuff, and how important they are in picking a partner. But when one needs to pick a partner, they have to look for exceptional qualities—not just financial or academic—but other aspects like being goal-driven, intelligent, morally upright, among other things. Still, I don’t think inheriting these things from parents alone will make someone exceptional. It’s good to have good genetic traits, but you must undergo training to exhibit other behavioral traits. You can’t say, “My parents are both intelligent or geniuses, so I’m also intelligent,” without putting in the effort. They can be morally upright, and you may find yourself doing the opposite due to external factors around you. That’s why they say, “Train your children, and when they grow up, they won’t depart from such training.”

When it comes to whether my children should possess my traits, I will gladly say yes—but partially no. As for the yes part, I have some traits that all my children need to have, whether they like it or not. And it’s not because I have them, but because they’ll be very helpful in the future. Resilience is one of those traits I believe everyone should have. My dad used to say life is a season full of ups and downs, but as long as we're still breathing, there is hope. (In pidgin, they say “Na who give up, fuck up.”) We are built in a way that we can overcome trials and tribulations with time. We should believe in ourselves and know that we will always bounce back. We must also learn from our mistakes or failures.

Another trait I would pick is a love for learning. They say learning never ends, and I'm someone who loves learning new things that will be helpful in the future. My children should never relent when it comes to seeking knowledge and developing themselves. They also need to understand that no matter where they are, their integrity matters a lot. They should always be trustworthy.

When it comes to genotype or health-related traits, it should always be AA—or at least AS, since that is still okay. No one wants to bear the burden of sickle cell disease; the pain alone is too much to bear. We should also be on the lookout for anything related to chronic illness. Back in the day, these were things parents looked out for. Once they noticed that someone in the other partner's family had a history of chronic illness, they would avoid such a family. But nowadays, I don’t think people still do that. There are lots of traits to talk about when it comes to physical, genetic, or behavioral aspects, but that’s a story for another day.