My Worst Habit | Ineffective Communication

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At times, if I have to rethink my life, I always feel like starting all over again if it is really possible. My life as a kid have been somehow especially when it come to communication aspect as a guy, I can't really say it is due to the fear I had for my dad or because I lose interest in stuff completely and to top it all, I'm the shy type. I noticed when I was small that I had a big problem, I think I was in primary 3 then, I do hid when it come to speaking publicly or having conversation with people, I prefer to be alone instead of playing with my peers and I only had 1 friend in the whole school, even If I'm talking to my friend and a girl pop in, I will keep shut all of a sudden, back then I didn't see it as a big deal and I thought it will go away with time.

Instead of it going away, it worsen, in class during secondary school, I prefer siting alone and I only make few friends, don't really socialise and all, it is always me, my phone and earpieces, people do ask me if I'm ok or maybe I should see a counsellor but I did. During Nysc, I went to a new state far in the north and I can't pinpoint who I even make friend with, always in my room and one day a lady walk up to me and ask me why I'm always on my phone or using earpiece, I just had to find one excuse for her so she can leave me alone. This actually affected my communication aspect because I'm use to being alone, talk less even with my family talk less of people around me.

I wish I have that opportunity to correct or change everything, yes go back in time, to make more friends, build up my communicating skills publicly, even though I try to change but I couldn't, even though I know there have been lot of negative impact that come with it especially during my relationship life, It bring in lot of misunderstandings and disagreement. My babe then do complain a lot that I rarely call or stay longer on calls, and that was because I prefer chatting to calling and most times I play online games and when calls comes in, it affect the network, she complain and complain and I try to explain and explain but she didn't see any reason, at times if disagree on things or she fought me, I will switch to the silent treatment immediately. At some point she couldn't cope and it was the end of it all.