The COMedy rumble: Perks of being a single pringle

Well well well. As I have refused to be intimidated by this generation and their weird obsession with relationships, situationships, entanglements and the likes, I have been living in complete isolation peace.

In my table of preference, being in a relationship has to be number five with God, money, money, and money in the lead.
Ps: still in search of a sugar daddy by the way.

Anyway, prior to my last relationship sometime ago when I was in shambles. I was in love with an insecure and control freak that I forgot how pleasant being single felt like.
Now that I’m totally free these are a few perks of being single I’ve been enjoying!

Immunity to cheating.

I know there are a few relationships where the partners involved are faithful, loyal and loving. Well big congratulations to them on being God’s favorite, we that were left with the cheaters are now free from that bondage.
With the single life, you can be away for as long and far as you like with assurance that nobody will cheat on you hence avoiding maximum heartbreak and being the laughing stock of others if you decide to let love blind you to stay with the cheater.
In essence being single will save you from being a “Khloe Kardashian”, if you know you know ;)

Ho phase pro max.

Believe it or not, we are all hos.
Be it being a ho to sexual pleasure, alcohol, food etc. you are just yet to unleash it.
Being in a relationship, you are never free to enjoy your ho phase in peace and that’s a fact.
Back then my relationship was so confined to the extent that I wasn’t allowed to reply any messages from any other guy other than my ex, whether platonic or not or even go out with my friends.
I missed so many opportunities by obeying that rule but that is gist for another day.
Now that I’m single and exploring, I’ve realized a lot about myself and one of it is that I have a talent called flirting. I can flirt with as many men as I like and don’t feel guilty about it, why? Single ho phase baby! Did I forget to mention the free gifts that comes with flirting?

Save to save your life.

If we’re being completely honest, being in a relationship equals unnecessary spending. Well this one is for the men because me and my homegirls definitely can never or maybe a little but either way you’ll save a whole lot of money by being single.
From spending money on birthdays, to anniversaries or simply pleasing your partner, it could all be avoided by being single.
Now you’ll have enough time and money to focus and spoil yourself because you deserve it dear Kings and Queens.

No stress zone.

Imagine quarreling because you forget to send someone good morning and goodnight texts. Or getting an attitude because you replied with “Hi” instead of “Hi babe”, little things can turn to huge things in a matter of seconds in relationships and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Or having to pick your partner’s call and say cute things on the phone even if you’re in a press conference, feeling jealous and insecure when girls or guys wants to get your partner’s attention, the list goes on and on.
How stressful is that?
Being single, you don’t have to think of all these things and that avoids baldness because one of the effects of stress according to Winniepedia is hair loss.

Bed to yourself.

In the case that they decide to sleep over, you will be forced to share your bed space with someone else. Imagine that.
You’ll have to pretend like you don’t spread your feet like butter and inconvenience yourself while you sleep just so your partner can also have some space.
But being single, you always have the bed to yourself and most importantly you can be yourself in your most vulnerable place AKA your bedroom.
The only thing you share it with is your phone and that doesn’t whine or demand for kisses and cuddles especially in this heat.

Fast food.

By being single, you can wake up at anytime you like and have any breakfast meal of your choice without thinking of what the other person will eat which by the way is so hard for them to choose for reasons unknown to the planet. You can eat as fast or slow as you like.
Can we also talk about how cooking for others is so different than cooking for yourself? I can accidentally cook something that’ll turn out to be a disaster and my single ass will eat it without any judgement. BUT in a relationship, you’ll find yourself watching YouTube videos for recipes or calling your Mum just to impress him/her with the cooking skill you don’t have.
In essence, be single and enjoy your own bad cooking alone without shame.

That concludes my perks, might feel cute and make another list later, but till then good day/night to single people only, you are alone but we’re in this together.

Inviting @joydukeson and @readthisplease to participate!
Kindly follow this link for the rules and rewards.

Thanks for reading!