Love and Usefulness

One cold hard truth you will eventually find out as you mature in life is that, not everyone who says they care about you truly does.

Some people come close only when they need something from you and they don't have other options besides yours. They stay close to you for a while, and you misinterpret that to be friendship.

Not everyone is aware of being a user though. Some of them don't even know they truly don't care, they think they do as long as you're being useful to them. They may call it friendship or love, but it’s really about convenience.

The moment you stop giving to them whatever they want from you, their interest in you usually fades away as well.

This kind of love is mainly based on use, not on respect or real care for a person. I'm not going to be the one to say that we must love everyone we encounter, for some it's not friendship, it's just a partnership. The mistake is when you think you're friends and the other party thinks it's partnership and you both don't know what you actually feel.

One way to find out whether someone loves you or not is when you notice they only show up when they need help, money, attention, whatever they get as a benefit from you.

Sad thing is, when you need them, they suddenly get too busy or disappear for a while. It's never a fair exchange with people that use you and don't care.

The thing about real love is that it's steady, it doesn’t change when your situation changes. The people who truly love you are there even when you have nothing to offer them. Those people just value your presence and not your possessions or your favors for them.

The users on the other hand usually end up treating relationships like tools and once their beloved tool stops working for them, they throw it away.

When this happens to you, it can hurt deeply, especially when you thought the bond was real.

But don't stay heart broken if you've experienced this. Remember that their behavior says more about them than about you. It doesn't make you any less. It only shows they don't understand what love or loyalty really means.

So what's your best way to deal with these people? You need some boundary settings if you're going to deal with that situation.

Learn to say no to some people without feeling guilty. When you say no respectfully and they decide to end the relationship, there's your answer to whether it was true love or just you getting used.

You should always watch who stays in your life after you stop giving to them, because most of the times, those who remain are the ones who truly care for you and not just what you have to offer. It's a real way to test. Sometimes intentionally deny them and see what happens.

Some will leave you after the test, it's ok because it’s better to have a few real friends than many fake ones.

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