RE: Money & Time

I think your words are very clear. It is good that you are trying to get some work done, but if you are less productive than usual, well, that is normal. Sometimes, I think people come and go here on Hive, and it is okay. What I mean is that, if you are normally consistent, if the consistency is not there for a while, that is okay I think. What do you think?

It is very sad that you feel that more time/money might have saved your mother. You might be right, and it is still a very sad way to frame it.

It's coincidental that you mentioned denial because my post today (which I have not yet posted) discusses denial. However, you triggered my memory. In my post, I discuss how to exit the denial state when we are not sure we are in denial and when it is unhealthy to be in denial.

However, I remember many years ago going to the psychologist. You are correct that we tend to go to therapy here. I have most of the training of a therapist myself in fact, but that is a long story. Anyhow, I said to her, "I think I am in denial," and she said, "Sometimes, denial can be a wonderful thing." I never thought about it like that before. People always urge us not to be in denial. However, she was right, sometimes, denial is an important way that we help ourselves. We protect our sanity by denying reality a little.

Sometimes, that is a very kind thing to do for yourself. Also, then, you can choose to spend some time each day grieving, but spend other time in "denial" as you put it.

I also found it hard to speak of my mother in the past tense. I still often say I love her, not I loved her.

Sometimes, it helps me to consider what reality is. I mean, I do believe in objective reality, but also, I can close my eyes and think of my mother and her words and I can imagine her using my five senses. I can talk to her. I can write to her. She is still real. Everything she ever said to me and everything we ever did together is still real because it all still exists inside me. As long as it does, a part of her will always walk beside me.

!LUV