Breaking News: The Assassin Who Couldn’t Be Bothered

Tyler Robinson, 22, allegedly took out right-wing activist Charlie Kirk—and apparently decided that helping the cops would just be too much effort. Utah investigators are now chasing the story through friends, family, and one remarkably cooperative roommate-turned-romantic-partner.

A former cop with 27 years on the force could only stand by helplessly as his own family got dragged into the chaos. Robinson’s beliefs didn’t exactly match the ones he was raised on—but hey, consistency is boring, and real-life assassins don’t play by the rules.

Silent as a hidden blade, Robinson let his partner do all the talking, dropping messages and intel like a perfectly timed Opera note. After being spotted in surveillance footage, he stunned his father by declaring he’d rather die than be arrested. A 33-hour manhunt later, he was finally in custody—while family and evidence scrambled to assemble the story like a Lego set in a hurricane.

DNA and handwritten notes tie him directly to the crime scene—breadcrumb trails for modern-day Templars. But the real show? Bullet casings etched with gamer memes and taunts: “hey fascist! CATCH!” with arrows straight out of a classic controller combo, and “If you read this, you are GAY Lmao.” Even assassins, apparently, need their Easter eggs.